Negative Biological Factors

Through the data I have gathered on my patient, LoliShadow, who is basically myself, I have gleamed these insights:

Hormonal disruptions and irregularities:

Diminished capacity for meta cognition, dramatically higher levels of internalised stigma, high levels of lethargy, low levels of motivations, high levels of derealisation, capable of ignoring the obvious staring right at them like if you give me the dictionary definition of map I can twist your wording to escape it without thinking twice although this may fall under the classifer of heightened internalised stigma.

Behavior and cognition of trans individuals who have the wrong hormones by default (their brains reject the hormones their bodies naturally produce) would concur with this. Thoughts can be difficult to dispel and inordinate (and pointless) amounts of effort are spent on doing so.

Some processed foods contain high levels of substances which can disrupt the equilibrium of the endocrine system and that which relies on it. Soy is commonly used as filler in many foods to save money and some other substances can also be harmful.

Medication:

Some medication have the side-effect of aggravating internalised stigma, distorting sexuality (it manifests in an obsessive and disturbing form rather than in a healthy manner).

Vitamin Deficiency:

This is a big problem today because a lot of people can’t get Vitamin D from sunlight with the ongoing lockdowns. Decreased cognitive function, may lead to hormonal instability.

This has been “Dr.” LoliShadow talking to you.

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As A trans person myself, spent two years on hormones and has been off them for a bit over 5 months now their is no “bodily rejection” of naturally produced hormones. Dysmorphia is less about internal hormone levels, and more about body shape and form, and I am attesting this from my own individual experience.

I’ve inadvertently messed up my hormones again, this may take a while to realign. I may need to boost sex hormone production artificially.

Effects. Addictive mania (if I let it go on for too long, it will almost certainly invert into depression, and go into cycles of mania / suicidal depression), dulled senses, feelings of invincibility, no sense of consequences, reduced meta cognition, very clingy (thank goodness for autopeds I’m confusing the hell out of…), hyperventilation, irregular heart beat, unstable arousal patterns.

I have an idea of how to stop it getting the better of me. It is really scary, it is partly why I would never go on anti-depressants, it sounds too similar to mania. Mania is dangerous.

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I’m more normal than before, normal enough to question whether I want to deal with things like lolis. I don’t want to think like a lawyer, and do a legal analysis over whether something consists obscenity, who it is from, whether the 3dcg passes the dost test, or if it is sufficiently unreal, every time I want an orgasm.

I’ll try to hold it without an orgasm. Other people seem to do it perfectly fine in the media like The Guardian. I am up to four days, it is really unpleasant. It is usually impossible to go past 24 hours. I tried random adults, but it is just forcing a thought my brain doesn’t want or derive joy from. If anything, it makes me want the other thing even more. It is a bore and a waste of effort, I’ll figure out how to do it eventually. I may need a teacher, how do other people learn when they’re young?

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I make a good guinea pig. Increased sexual thought patterns, increased compulsivity, increased perception of intrusive thoughts, large amounts of time invested into research / adovcacy as a distraction from it, increased irritability, slightly incoherent oppositional thought patterns?, intensity is highest in the night (this is unusual as hormone levels should be lowest in the night and highest in the morning). It may be slowly creeping up. I am partially addicted to self-harming, so this is easier to do than it would otherwise be.

I might get back to it before I go crazy, but it is only a few days (who can’t go wthout for a few days?). I don’t want to think about statute this and statute that. As a last note, I always loved studying the sciences, although I don’t believe there is an ethics board in the world which should approve this.

I never said what I did on the neurosis-like mania? Vitamin supplements, a more complete diet, venting carbon dioxide more effectively, anything I could think of to alleviate it.

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I have long come to the conclusion that the more you worry about a law, the more you get drawn into a cycle of compulsivity. It is really insidious when you think about it. The harder you try to stop, the harder it is to stop. It literally feeds itself to cope with the law, which in turn fuels more worry about the law. I have to think more objectively about these laws.

Luckily, I don’t rely on proper CP for maintaining myself, but even second-guessing myself can cause problems.

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