Recognizing abuse at 31, wish it happened at 15

I don’t think calling it a disorder is inherently problematic, but we need to change how we think about disorders and preventing them

Ok, here’s a very simple sugestion that, probably won’t solve the problem, but it will surely help a lot. We must teach people to stop socially shaming others about things they can’t do anything about. First, because this obviously won’t help anyone. It’s literally a useless effort. Also, this not only is psychological torture but will make those people way less productive and will possibly raise the chances of them doing the exact thing they are being called. Like, if you keep telling someone they are some kind of monster, there’s a big chance you’ll end up convincing them of it.

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This approach makes no sense, because it’s already common sense for the majority to think like this. Nobody cares if you’re a homosexual. People will also defend you if you have a mental illness and cheer you on.

It all comes to a full stop once you mention pedophilia. Suddenly you’re a monster for just existing. The day before you told homophobes “you don’t get to choose who you love, leave him alone jerks” and the next day “disgusting, we need to protect our kids from these monsters. Get help.”

Try correcting them and you get “Homosexuality and Pedophilia is not the same”. It is not the same, but it is the same in a different sense. Just like how illnesses share the same symptoms, and are in the same category, but are still inherently different.

I agree, they are the same in every way that’s relevant to the issue at hand. Which is whether they should be discriminated against and marginalized simply for existing

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Dude, your last comment makes no sense, how what I said could be common sense if, as you said yourself, that doesn’t work for a specific group?

People make exceptions when they shouldn’t. What’s common sense in 99% of cases suddenly becomes a seemingly insurmountable mental block when it comes to this one.

That’s motivated reasoning, and it often does override common sense.

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Because people legit think you “choose” to be a pedophile. They think you can cure them, or teach them on how to get a more healthy sexuality.

That’s why nobody accepts the definition of it being an orientation. It’s the stigma and misinformation that’s the problem.

It’s such a puzzling belief. Assuming that pedophilia was a choice. Why would anyone in their right mind choose it?


I will have to disagree with you here (about the part of choosing) That is what some of them SAY they believe, but is not what they truly believe. In fact, the number 1 thing they believe that is completely wrong is that, by social shaming pedophiles, they are somehow preventing them from abusing children. The “somehow” is the part that is… problematic to understand. At least for me :confused:

They don’t actually believe this in my opinion, they hate pedophiles and simply want to shame them for the sake of it. The above is what they say to give their actions some semblance of respectability.

The point is to present the motivations for this brand of hate as actually being altruistic.

Why would anyone blame the jews for anything? Why are refugees always blamed for the destabilization of western countries (“they take our jobs, they rape our woman!”)

You can achieve your goals more effectively if you have a group of people you can point at and justify your campaign. Corrupt child organizations get more support and thus money by doing the same thing.

Everyone has their enemy they use to grow.

was that a response to me?

Just a general message as to why so many companies, organizations and also individuals do what they do.

As for the shaming. I think you’re right they are shaming, because they think it prevents it from being “normalized”. If you accept a pedophile then you’re implying that his attraction is not wrong and that’s just impossible for them.

I agree with that, but did you notice that the source of the hate they have about pedophiles is the social shaming itself? Like, people hate pedophiles because being a pedophile is immoral. And it’s immoral because people are always seeing others socially shaming them.

Ok, now you sound kind of conspirational. In fact, I think what we have here is a simple mechanism of human social behavior that is soo predictable, that it works pretty much the same way everywhere on the planet.
And Ok, I confess that I made sound like if “teaching people to stop social shaming others” was something super easy to do, and of course is not. But if we could do it, that would improve things a lot for everyone.

yes I agree, and I think what they actually fear the most is pedophilia being normalized in their own minds.

A lot of them believe that pedophilia is a choice, and I think they believe that the only thing preventing themselves from making that choice is their belief that pedophilia is inherently wrong.


I 100% agree with that. Like, I notice too that some of those people actually understand the simple (and obvious) notion that not shaming pedophiles for liking children won’t make the act of having sex with children being less bad. But it seems they keep insisting on the idea because they believe the social shaming is what prevents them from becoming pedophiles themselves.

I’m not really sure what this has to do with my original post but it is really interesting.

I was recently working through prevention policy in my local community. I am also secretly a politician :shushing_face:

I realized that prevention is a really hot topic right now…. One issue that stood out was that most of the resources for abuse are directed at poor people. It can sometimes seem like poverty is conflated with abuse. This happens despite the fact that numerous studies show no correlation between the incidence of abuse and the income. IOW a rich person is just as likely to be an abuser as a poor person.

Interestingly though, most prevention resources are geared toward poor people. That’s interesting. I wonder why that is….

Just wanted to inject some thoughts — feel free to run with it or to leave it and carry on!


Pretty much sums up the “normalization” fallacy, basically just projection.

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Oh my God. I’m so, so sorry, OP; having to deal with military PTSD on top of your abuse & your torture-imprisonment… fuck, man. Horrifying.

I’m so glad your life understands & that you’re starting to feel more stable. I hope this new understanding of yourself helps you on your path to trauma recovery. I wish you the absolute best.

Thank you for sharing your story, &, even though I fundamentally oppose the military (as a whole) on principle — thank you for your service.


Reading this was very terrible, im sorry you had to go through that,

Thanks for your service…and, im sorry it effected you like this, im glad you have a wife that loves you, and we are always here to support you :slight_smile: