Hi.
Here’s a post by @terminus, the ED of @Prostasia, to a place that might be able to help you, if you hadn’t considered reaching out to them already.
What happened to you is a tragic story, and I think it perfectly encapsulates why it’s important these types of issues be brought to light, and more showcases showcases, importantly, why minors shouldn’t be allowed into pro-contact, pro-abuse communities.
Perhaps the most important thing I should tell you is that pro-contact is pro-abuse, and under ZERO circumstances should adult-child sexual activity be allowed, even if you were a victim of abuse yourself and you have these urges and interests.
However, you should not beat yourself up over them, nor should you feel ashamed or upset over them, so long as you are not at risk of acting on them against a real child.