16 years old. I really need help

I can’t say my real name for legal reasons but I was a victim of the online pedophile ring lead by Nathan Larson. I am a male who at the time, did not know that I was bisexual, or at the very least was uncomfortable admitting that to myself. This naturally lead me to seek validation and I ended up in contact with some pretty bad people. At around 14 one of these people I was in contact with introduced me to the pedophile and child rape advocacy forum rapey.***. It was here that I was groomed by many older men along with several other minors, females and males alike. I was brainwashed through positive reinforcement about my sexuality and urges to believe that pedophilia was ok and that I wanted to be raped. This little online cult encouraged eating disorders, self harm, and children meeting up and running away with pedophiles. Some did. It was here where my perception of sexuality was shattered and my mental state was destroyed. I fell into deep depression and considered killing myself for being so fucked in the head. I eventually got out however and I’m now in therapy but my parents don’t know what happened nor do I think they should. I have told my therapist but I find it extremely hard to talk about due to the emotional baggage that comes along with it. I still struggle with conflicting feelings now of being sexually attracted to abuse and I also believe I may be a hebephile. I have grown up yet I am still attracted to people ages 11+. Possibly because that’s when I first started being groomed. I feel so sexually frustrated and pent up but I don’t have an outlet. I don’t want to hurt anybody. But I can’t talk about it without being hated by society for undergoing extreme abuse. Perhaps finding other people my age that have gone through similar things and having consensual sexual interactions could help but I’m too scared to even talk about this with anybody in fear of people thinking I’m a child abuser. I don’t know what to do but I also don’t know what sexual outlets there are for me where I or someone else doesn’t have to be harmed. Please help, please respond. I just want to figure this out.

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Dude no one is gonna click that link

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I’m not exactly sure what advice i can give you, i’m not good at that kind of stuff but i assume there are other members who may be able to take that up.

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I am so sorry I didn’t mean to link it. Yeah please don’t. The website has already been taken down by the feds but I honestly didn’t mean to link it. I just wanted to give context to the story.

Thanks so much for hearing me out though

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I edited it to get rid of the link :slight_smile:

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Do you remember the nickname Nathan Larson used on this site?

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yes I believe it was leucostic or something spelt that way I can’t remember the exact pronounciation or spelling cause everybody just called him nathan

I think I heard about that website some time ago. He created a bunch of simaler websites if i remember correctly.

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yes but the most recent one is pretty much dead. Now that hes gone, Theyve all be removed or never catch ground. One man involved who i know is still out there is a man named “goring”. I believe hes german

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Btw for people unaware who Nathan is, just google him. He was recently arrested for kidnapping

Hi.

Here’s a post by @terminus, the ED of @Prostasia, to a place that might be able to help you, if you hadn’t considered reaching out to them already.

What happened to you is a tragic story, and I think it perfectly encapsulates why it’s important these types of issues be brought to light, and more showcases showcases, importantly, why minors shouldn’t be allowed into pro-contact, pro-abuse communities.

Perhaps the most important thing I should tell you is that pro-contact is pro-abuse, and under ZERO circumstances should adult-child sexual activity be allowed, even if you were a victim of abuse yourself and you have these urges and interests.

However, you should not beat yourself up over them, nor should you feel ashamed or upset over them, so long as you are not at risk of acting on them against a real child.

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I know, and I appreciate it. I just want to find a healthy alternative because I don’t think abstaining from sexual activity is necisarily very healthy either.

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the link that terminus posted is great but I’m not in any immediate danger nor am I an immediate danger to anybody else. There are just no other resources quite similar to this website that specialize in helping Pedophiles cope/restrain from offending. It feels like we as a society are still just barely coming to terms with what pedophilia actually is and therefore, there are very limited resources.

Many consider that the term “pedophile” is often synonymous with “child abuser”, but it is quite the contrary. To shorten, “child abusers” are no different from normal abusers who find opportunities of power, whereas “pedophilia” is considered a sexual orientation, where attraction to children by itself is not considered a risk factor for offending.

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It isn’t, so long as it’s not with real minors.
Please consider reaching out to VirPed if you hadn’t already.
They’re a community of anti-contact NOMAPs with a great community, some of whom have been able to help further research into the effects of fictional/simulated/virtual pornography as a means of furthering CSA prevention.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1079063220965953

They’re currently conducting research into the therapeutic effects of pornography.

Though, if you’re a minor, I can’t really go any further than that.

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I don’t think it’s necisarily an orientation more so a fetish/paraphilia. maybe in some cases pedophilia may be around since birth but from the people I’ve talked to, it seems like it is developed. Maybe it is though and I’m just wrong lol. I have no clue. I’m not a scientist

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I am above the age of consent where I live if that puts you at ease with talking to me

Eh… nah. 18 and up.

I don’t feel like adult content, such as fictional/simulated/virtual child pornography would be appropriate discussion to have with a minor.

I’ve explained my points well enough, I hope you understand my position here.

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I do and I greatly appreciate it. If you would like to talk more about non sexual topics regarding the perception of pedophilia, I would be more than happy to have that conversation

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