I went to a site in which the site is basically a bunch of psychologists who give support to people who struggle with suicides thoughts. I told them about my paraphilia, my suicidal thoughts and how I felt about it all, all anonymously. I feel so much better.
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What was their response?
They were trying to console me and tried to understand what I felt.
That’s good! I’m not I’d ever feel comfortable talking about it outside of a setting like this. My personality when it comes to this is so compartmentalized.
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Could you explain? I usually don’t talk about it irl, on the internet (specially anonymously) I really don’t care. I wouldn’t do this while showing my face and actual name.
A combination of deep shame and paranoia about the paraphilia and that I used to be in the military and I had a security clearance (which isn’t a rare thing, everyone who worked on the flight line had a clearance) so around the time I was coming to grips with my attractions I was also receiving very regular briefings on OPSEC so the living a secret life stuff just kind of fell into place. I never found a place that I felt safe enough to discuss it till here and even then it was a long time of just watching this place before I felt comfortable enough to post. To post here you need to be of the mindset that we don’t abuse or engage with the abuse of actual children and that’s a pretty high level requirement for me to engage with a community of people with this issue.
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