Wait, I just realized, her final update is much longer than that. I’ve taken it from the final screenshot that is dated October 26:
Last update (hopefully): I am so sorry for not replying to all of your helpful and kind comments. All of this has been overwhelming for my whole family as you can imagine. Things are looking brighter.
My daughter has been in a part time inpatient program and she’s been enjoying it and has found it extremely helpful. She is also working with a therapist who has put a lot of effort into our situation and is now educated on ths fandom anti stuff. If I’m being honest, I don’t believe my own therapist would do this much for me. I’m enterally greatful for him.
Where I feel still I might have failed here, he informed me he believes my daughter is most likely autistic as well. My other daughter is almost polar opposite to her and I feel like I’ve been incredibly ignorant. Not to mention, I don’t think I would have done differently the night everything happened, however, I feel as though I may have jumped the gun in believing she would self harm. I did jump in the gun in that aspect, however, with how erratic she was, I most certainly did make the right choice taking her to patient care.
My daughter is slowly but surely coming to terms with everything that has happened. She’s made way faster progress then I expected. In all honesty, I didn’t know what to expect and as strong as my daughter is, I assumed the worst but she’s been as strong as she always has. She’s made a lot of friends at the program she’s in and has been able to connect their experiences to her own, especially a girl who suffered from extremely intense religious abuse. I’ve met her a few times and I don’t feel like anyone understands how much I want to thank her.
She’s able now to admit the woman who was grooming her was in the wrong and is expressing grief because of what happened regarding her classmate. That’s been the hardest part for us in regards to her. We’ve seen nothing but progress and she feels incredibly bad about how she treated her classmate but even though she’s able to emotionally regulate again, there’s been a lot of long nights, crying, and her asking how she can make up for what she’s done. We really don’t have the answers at times.
This may seem silly to some of you, but I think any parent who’s been in a similar situation may understand how much this meant to me-
The staff at my rehabilitation program have been incredibly talkative with me in a way I feel doesn’t disrespect my daughter or myself. When I went through what I had, my counselor at the time was not much help at all. With everyone at my daughter’s care program, if they mentioned something after the day, my daughter will ask if they mentioned it to me.
My daughter had told me after we picked her up yesterday she felt horrible about discussing this sort of thing with her sister after the topic of shame around getting your siblings involved in what you had been through was talked about in group. She had told her group everything and her counselor had suggested my daughters draw together.
Last night they did. Her sister had, within ten minutes, shown her all the sketchbooks she has that are incredibly detailed. She doesn’t care much about drawing characters from shows and makes her own, she’s created her own little universe. She’s very talented. My eldest told her how amazing her story was coming along and drew some of her characters for her. I teared up a lot. Everything felt normal, if not better, for a couple hours. My daughter was so kind to her sister, it was a really amazing. Even our youngest joined in for bit but got bored after awhile, lol. My eldest was still paying full attention, though.
There was moment where her sister had shown characters she had created who were married and one had a similar maiden name to their spouses (My daughter uses very specific names she thinks sounds pretty for her characters. I don’t feel comfortable sharing exactly how in case this is something she’d like to write a book for, a show, etc in the future. But they seem very thematic in a way with the endings of alot of them sounding a bit similar.) and I got extremely nervous but my daughter apsolutely did not say a word and said she thought they were cute. I can’t even tell you how happy I felt.
My eldest also asked me for a sketchbook, she was very impressed with the drawing she was able to make using my youngest supplies and told me she felt drawing her feelings would be helpful. I don’t want anyone to think I’m rewarding her for bad behavior. I feel her getting her something that she enjoys that someone who was abusing her deeply discouraged even though it’s something thats encouraged for people to do, even not in her situation who have been through abuse, will be incredibly healing. I ordered her nice markers, a sketchbook, etc. I think vent art is key here.Her drawings were beautiful and I hope to encourage her passion and see her heal through it.
I’m hoping eventually she will be able to join the art therapy sessions at her part time care program. I think it would be very cathartic for her. I’m not sure if she’s aware they have it but they do not allow her to participate as of now, understandably. They told me once things improve for a couple months (or possibly sooner) she’ll be more than welcome to join and their main concern is her judging others works.
Her classmate’s mother has been incredible to us and she considers me a friend at this point, which is beyond me. Her kindness and ability to stay calm in these types of situations is very incredible. I don’t make a lot of new friends as I’m very busy but I’m very happy I can consider her one. She’s been talking to me almost daily, once we got passed the discomfort, we’ve gotten very close.
The legal update is what I’m sure everyone is waiting for. I contacted my local FBI branch myself with Classmate’s mom after the police had not gotten ahold of us in over a week. We did call them afterwards and they informed us the case was still open. All that aside, the right people ended up having access to our children’s accounts, we ended up getting the woman’s identity in a week. I know everyone wants information shared here but I’d much rather have her in jail for years than shamed online and have pizza hut delivery sent to her house.
I will give an update if nothing comes of this and she gets a slap on the wrist but I highly doubt it. According to my daughter on the night this began, the woman “sends this stuff to lots of people my age”. I was assured the other victims will be contacted. They told me they’ve seen this type of thing with a case last year.
They told us there’s been case that don’t involve the fandom stuff they’ve delt with where groomers will try to be the only “safe adult” and will send minors things to “report” while they themselves are already sex offenders. The grooming tactic of trying to convince a child everyone around them is a groomer for a very arbitrary reason and they are safe is becoming incredibly common now a days. And I urge parents: if you have a small age gap with your spouse, to please be wary of your child starts acting strange about it. If you’re an artist and they act very off about certain things you create that are child friendly, be concerned. If you’re child calls anything that is normal “creepy” or “predatory” despite it being normal, take their phone. My child showed no warning signs but I can’t imagine how parents think their kids are just going through a phase and care about something weird or just dismiss it as a “Gen Z thing” but I am not the only one who’s been through this.
If I’m being honest, the only warning sign I saw in hindsight was my middle child not showing me her sketchbook as much. As someone who enjoys painting myself (I began as an adult), I’d never let anyone see my unfinished work, I think alot of people here who have a hobby or profession that requires pre-planning will understand. It was something I instantly began respecting (and still will) as showing unfinished work to others can be very awkward. All it takes is a conversation. With my eldest, I’m hoping her art can become her way of coping.
I’ve seen some comments on here of other parents being worried, and I don’t want to make you all over-paranoid. Please just tell them adults sending them pornography of any kind is unacceptable, regardless of the purpose. Tell them THEY are children and are under no obligation to “protect children” as they are minors themselves and any adult who expects them to help them fight predators IS a predator themseleves. It’s an adult job to protect them. In my own research I’ve seen countless screenshots of children making posts saying “My parents have a small age gap, ew, I can’t trust them anymore” and I’m left here terrified, wondering how many of them have been groomed by someone trying to turn them against their parents.
Once again, thank you all for your help and kindness. I figured out this subreddit uses a points system and I’m sorry I missed out on all of getting a point because you all truly deserve one.